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loving you is stupidity

Yes,  I admitted it I've been stupid loving him. 

Before, I am officially engaged with him, we've been through a lot of troubles that almost end up our relationship. He did things that made me angry , upset and seems for me it was the end of the world. After confessing me about his age, the relationship wasn't so flowery. Family problems arose from both sides. I always wanted him to listen to me but he wasn't there for me. Perhaps he was tired of listening my own, which the fact he had his own and he cannot shared to me because I have a lot on my plate. I remember just one night he was burst with tears and cried about his problems and I felt guilty myself that I never listen to him. I was so selfish. We let time goes by not talking with each other. I was busy solving my own, and when the time I talked with him I was always being rational. I never understand, and I started doubting all the time with his love for me.

By the time, I was not there for him and was so disturb with my feelings and settling the problems with my family. He found a friend, who could understand him. A friend that he can share his problems. A friend who listen with him. They end to a mutual understanding and I bound to caught all the messages he sent with that girl. And it happened that I know the girl who knew that I am his girlfriend and she tried to be friend with me.I confronted him about the messages and then he was so angry about it. I don't have the right to interfere his private property (its true). He told me, I'm hurting myself dahil kahit san daw sunod ako ng sunod. When I have an instinct I cannot set and do nothing at all. I always do something until I find out what's going on. I had sleepless night, I cannot eat at the same time I was so upset with my family. I used to drink a glass of wine in the night to make me sleep. I cried and my phone bills got bigger just to call him and started crying. I suffered that stupid feelings of mine for 6 weeks and I realized, who he is  He was so lucky to have me. He his ugly, Lol... he has a bad odor , he didn't brush his teeth.. hehehe.. I keep thinking negative thoughts to make me feel better. He don't deserve my tears, my love. It was very had for me to talk with him, which I did and let him choose. I was afraid then but I have to accept the fact. He is not mine. But I was wrong, he was angry with me, and said You know that I will choose you over her. I was so flattered and felt happy but deep inside my heart, GOD give me a sign if he is telling the truth. If he really loves me, then he have to prove it to me. But be hurry and make sure that when he comes back to me I'm still there, otherwise he cannot find me anymore. Just be sure that the person he is going to replace me is more than I could offer with him, without baggage(walang anak). That was the last word I told him and I was contemplating the happy days we shared together over the internet. The plans and the dreams.  I was in the process of recovering and healing the wounds, I received a message from the girl telling me,  "he choose you, you won , just take care of him he is a good man. It was only a game between me and him, I have a child and I am going to get married with the father of my child. I am sincerely sorry, sis and I hope one day you will forgive me. Belated merry Christmas and Happy Ne year"

I don't know what to say, I never replied her until now, and he asked also an apology to me. Telling me he cannot bear to lose me anymore. The relationship is back to normal and officially he both an engagement ring and proposed with me again.

I once a stupid but because I love him so much and the pain is unbearable to lose him, and just one click of my thumb is gone. In relationship I always give chances, second, third but not in major things. I think weather we like it or not , if we fall in love we cannot hold our feelings. It's easy to say (don't let your heart rule your mind, but let you mind rule your heart )than done. On the other hand, we never knew a person until we don't live with them. There are couple who been out together for many years but after they got married finish on the story. There are also known each other for a few months and have a happy ending. Relationship or shall I call it marriage is a matter of luck. It it turn out alright then you must be clever.

I hope I made my right choice and decision with out regrets and hesitation.

2 responses to "loving you is stupidity"

  1. Anonymous says:

    he must be very lucky to have you.he should count the days that he hurt you.good luch and be more are reaping some rewards at the end of it all.i like some of your can improve your blogs,as a beginner you're doing great.

  2. epz says:

    happily ever after

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